DEAR IRIS

A lil painting made with children in Red Lodge for my Papa’s 8oth birthday.

Acrylic mixed with dirt.

April 25th, 2025 8:25 AM

Last night around six o’clock, Wallace and I took off for a walk along and in the river. We went to collect beaver sticks for the Beaver Brooms and discover more Beaver Dams. We were home by nine to make dinner. If it was not dark, we probably would have stayed longer. I had an armful of beaver chewed sticks which I did not manage to carry well while bushwacking. The river is also getting higher and the current is stronger. I almost fell a few times. This beaver fascination is new. It solidified when I discovered an old homestead post with at least twenty old rusty nails lying against the dam. I tried to lift it a bit but it was too insanely heavy to even nudge I tried to imagine a crew of Beavers carrying this massive piece of wood. Where are they hiding when I am out?

April 23rd, 2025

Everything I learned, actually remember and try to mimic has to do with Beauty. Inside a home is where I observed beauty in it’s most curious form by a human. Nature is just another story all together. I was fortunate to have a grandmother who appreciated making her home as opulent which in her mind was, as beautiful as possible. Inside her little condo in a retirement community I was on a stage and my grandmother was the star. The few regency pieces of furniture relocated to California from Kansas were bought in the 1950’s after the depression and world war two where she lived her life as a homemaker, wife and mother in a two bedroom one story home with two cars on a long block with houses exactly the same as hers.

I think of Billy Goldsmith who was a landscape designer and artist my parent’s befriended during my childhood in Marin County. His entire home in San Miguelle DeAllende where he retired and I visited in my twenties was a set of still lifes. Again, treasures collected over a lifetime and placed in his final home. Billy taught me by his example of appreciating beauty for beauties’ sake. The goal; walk around and be in curious awe. I can still remember standing in front of one of his end tables in the living room feeling like I was looking at a painting. I do not remember what was on the table exactly but how he had arranged the lamp, books, rocks perhaps, maybe a tiny animal skull, feathers and flowers left me with a feeling I still carry and again, want to mimic. I intend to channel the genius creativity Billy carried with him.

I am beginning to walk around this home and see what I will do in each room for the installation. I have post its up so I will not forget. I am beginning to just write on the wall where I know I will paint or maybe just keep writing or drawing.

I am making recordings and sitting in the rooms listening to the walls and hearing the space communicate with me. I see myself in the mistakes I made during the remodel and then I tell myself I had no clue what I was doing and it is all a learning curve. I was so lucky to even have the opportunity. I am telling myself I can learn how to build and do things I would normally ask a handy-man to do for me. I am calling in sales from my new websites so I can fully invest in this creation. I want people to visit this home and stay over. I have not decided for how long but I do know the time it takes me to finally relax into this epic place. At least a couple three….

Morning Moon. April 15h, Roscoe, Montana

April 14th, 2025 8:55 PM

Dear Iris,

I am sitting at my circle dining table in the big great room in silence. I can hear the hum of the heater and the fizz coming off my water. Wallace is sitting by my feet moping as always and hoping for a bit of my dinner. I have barely touched the chicken.

Anyway. I digress often but I took out my laptop to write this:

Last night Wallace and I spent an hour on the couch watching the moon as if it were a television. I was playing in the old part of the house which I call the OG messing around with visions of that space. I saw lots of curtains and fabric. I have seen the original walkway the Brangers built which is now wall to make a big walk in closet for the second owners of this home. I was looking at the ceiling laying on a rug I just could not get comfortable on. The synthetic feeling of the wool is not right to relax on. Regardless, I laid on the portal spot by the fireplace and saw a square diamond on the ceiling. This spot people circled around before the remodel. Contractors bidding on the job sensed it. And there I was last night, hitting the spot and yes, getting the downloads.

The music I discovered last night just blew my mind. It is transcendent and unlike anything i have heard before and yet, fucking familiar. I was dying.

I walked over to the new part of the house where the kitchen. I brought my phone to keep listening to music on spotify. I keep my phone because I like to see who the artist is. But spotify stopped and I could not play anything. And so, I took this as a sign to be quiet. I have been enjoying less music lately. Maybe it is because the birds are now singing outside.

The moon shining into the living room and lighting the entire space stopped me in my tracks. I grabbed my favorite fur blanket and an old wool one out of the old banana crate and made a cozy bed on the couch facing the moon directly through the Aspens. Wallace eventually joined me and I grabbed him to lay directly on me. He is not much of a cuddler and I do most of the emotional supporting. But last night, I told him I needed him to support me. He agreed and we ate popcorn watching the moon like a favorite old movie. I fed him while laying on his back like a roman lover which in fact I have speculated is our past life bond. True story.

April 12th, 2025

Mom & Daughter having a smoke break.

CIRCLE 17

Red Lodge, Montana.

April 11th, 2025

I called Syble Branger yesterday to let her know we will be selling the ranch photographs at The East Rosebud Lake general store this Summer.

Syble was speaking with me while looking out the window of her ranch. Mid sentence she squeals, “a mama just breached!” Excuse me? I asked. She let me know that she was watching over a mama cow and she had just given birth while we were chatting. She also noted that it never ceases to blow her mind seeing a baby calf just get up and walk off.

Syble met her future husband Chris when she was nineteen years old over sixty years ago. Syble had come out to the T-O Bar ranch where Chris lived with his family from Los Angeles. They fell in love and married shortly thereafter at the ranch.

Syble and Chris were full time ranchers their entire working career and did just about everything on their own. Each time we visit while walking her land, I stop in awe with the stories.

Chris has since passed and Syble’s son Clint now runs the ranch with his son Jake who is next in line to run the legacy.

Following the calf birth, Syble then shared that she is buying a Bronco. I assumed a horse but she meant the Ford. I cant wait to ride to the lake in her new wheels. Syble is the OG Montana cowgirl in my eyes.

March 30th 2025

Dear Iris,

I am on a zoom gathering hosted by Pramila Jayapal entitled, The Resistance Lab. The discussion is centered around how one might counter political violence and stand up for victims who will be affected by our current administration.

There are over two thousand people from all over the country on the call. We are breaking out into smaller groups to discuss and my heart splits open. We discuss our biggest concerns; Deportation (a woman’s daughter is married to a Venezualan), dismantling our legal system, privatazition of Public Land (my biggest fear), concern for sustainability ecologically for one’s grandchildren and on…

How do we reframe the context of what is actually happening as an injustice?

Stories and listening is key. The more I understand why my neighbors might be upholding a belief and their value system, the more we will come into alignment as human beings.

I am here to learn and listen. I know nothing but do feel my heart bleeding despite living in a place I may see two people at most in a day. The internet is here and I am only six moths into this new life. This level of quiet if I so choose is a re-calibration unlike any other experience in my life…and I moved to London, England from Los Angeles for grad school not knowing a soul.

I lost a friend over this new guy running our country who I call T-Dog. I am learning about my actual inner circle. How far can and can’t I expand when someone I love supports our new set of rules which seem unconscionable?

At the beginning of 2024, I stood at my kitchen sink in Ojai, California, this bucolic bubble where I seriously felt like I was resting in a warm gentle and loving bosom for a year and just froze. What is going to happen if T-Dog wins over so many Americans? I went down the youtube rabbit hole and knew he would. For a moment, I actually believed it would be a good thing. I listened to some fairly convincing idiots. I read the thousands of comments from wealthy white women and black americans in support of T-Dog. I witnessed my friend become a fan once RFK was nominated. I saw crypto friends get on board.

For balance, I also listened to Richard Rudd obsessively who very eloquently spoke on the significance of this dark passage. Rudd is balm to my weary Soul.

So, the key takeaway from The Resistance Lab training are as follows:

  • Reveal - Expose the Injustice

  • Redeem - Validate the Target

  • Redirect - Mobilize Support

  • Resist - We will not be Intimidated